I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
