A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
