You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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