Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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