I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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