I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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