i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
