i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
