My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
