At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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