I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
