I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize