Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I did not marry a roomba.
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