just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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