I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize