Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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