oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
