i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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