you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
