Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
