Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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