It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
