I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
