I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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