Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
