some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
