My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
