just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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