will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
