One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
