You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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