hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
