I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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