Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
