she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
