either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
