We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize