I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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