Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize