He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
