DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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