he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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