I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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