someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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