Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
