He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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