Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
