This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize