He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
