I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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