I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
