took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
