I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
