Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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