Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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