you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
