using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
