The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
