I am spending my child support on dildos
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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