Im at strip club and am horny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
