i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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