I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
