sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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