Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize